We look for a perfect weekend and it depends on your Saturday. That is what I have understood. I got up at 4.30 AM, read for some time, and wrote my blog. This has been a new routine that I’ve picked up in the last 2 months. Waking up early was one of the new habits I have acquired. It was time for my walk and podcast and my immediate fascination is to look for that tiny brown kitten during my walk. The sight of the kitten wagging its tail and those two dogs peering behind the grill on the first floor feeling restless is a real sight to see. So whenever I pass through that patch I look at the balcony to see the dogs and look around for the cat and remembered what Mark Rubinstein said. In my case it was the sight of dog, cat, walk, and podcast that was heavenly.
During my Saturday walk, I look for some of my hi-bye friends in the apartment just to acknowledge that in these times they can recognize me with the mask and have not forgotten. Post the morning work out, writing, and breakfast with green tea it was time to catch up socially with my friends over the phone and google meet. It was the perfect Saturday I was designing for myself.
By noon I was treading myself into the kitchen even if my wife didn’t want me there. It was a blissful first half of the day well lived and felt. I was channeling some videos and during our lunchtime, I wanted to show those to my wife and kids on TV. So I set out to plug my TV and connect it to Amazon firestick and play youtube. I was searching for the remote and that was not to be seen. In a rush of anguish and embarrassment, I turned to my younger daughter and asked her to look at those places where she used to keep. We were on a searching spree and seeing my desperation my elder daughter also joined the party. After searching wider and deeper I got it. It had gone deep into one of those sofa sets. That was when I lost my cool and turned to my younger daughter and said, ” you must have kept it there”. In a rush of anger she stormed away from the scene and said, ” you blame me for everything”. It took me a while to acknowledge what had happened. I recovered to come to terms with what happened. Meanwhile, my elder daughter told my younger daughter that since you and your friends jump and play in the sofa it was quite natural that it must have slid during that time inside that sofa set. There was silence at the other end and then she said , “sometimes I don’t like him”. It came as a sledgehammer to my ears. It opened my eyes and I desperately started looking for that video. I located the video. It was a video of Andrea Bocelli. He was singing, “I just called to say I love you” which was originally sung by Stevie Wonder. I thought this song will lighten the mood which was by then moved from a sense of embarrassment to calmness. I was still not in the lunch table. My younger daughter asked my elder daughter, why I am not eating. As I overheard I declared that I was not hungry as I had eaten something in between ( My hunger evaporated as I got myself out of control). Finally, I was at the table. By that time my younger daughter had left to our neighbor’s house to play with her friend but I carried the hurt of that sentence with me. Iyanla Vanzant said it best, “A father’s hurt is not the child’s responsibility”. I was thinking about what next.
It was around 8 PM that I saw my younger daughter back in the house. Since I had got up early I was tired and already in a sleepy mood. I told my wife that I will hit the bed any time soon. So I had gone to my bedroom, already darkened my room, and kept my reading books aside. I walked into the drawing-room to say good night to everyone. My younger daughter looked at me and asked, “Can we watch Pursuit of Happiness again?” I had promised her to see this movie again. She primed my wife and my wife put it on Amazon Prime. I was initially watching it from a side sofa. My daughter called me to come and sit near her. In the next 2 hours, we watched the movie together and she looked at me when there were those scenes between Chris and Christopher. She liked that particular scene of Dad and Son talking about dreams. The next day during lunchtime she asked me, ” Do I need to protect my dreams”. I said, “you should and you will.” When I looked back, I realized that that little part of 2 hrs where we both Sat together (Sat-Our-day) can be defined as “Happyness”.
Vinod you have described well what it feels to hear children speak at their low moments…and of course that too shall.pass in the pursuit of “happyness”…
Thank you Nila
Very nicely written Vinod! Felt good reading it and could relate a lot of it.