In the last 12 years, there was a time when I used to go down regularly and meet many of the apartment people and neighbours with my younger daughter. A lot of them moved out to other places. Over the years, without realising it, my social interactions had dwindled, and I noticed I was not in touch with anyone in our community, barring one person. I interact with him mostly during our morning walks. So, in September, thanks to him, a friend included me in the song-and-dance group, and since then, my oxytocin quotient has reached another level. During that time, I had the chance to meet a family, and it was time to meet them at their house. The appointed hour was 5 PM. We arrived at 5.01 PM.
The person opened the door, and an elderly person (his father) mentioned that you were a dot on time. I responded by saying that I am working with Aerospace and Defence segment customers and getting used to being on time. In fact, I had planned meticulously to be on time, as this was a habit I had been trying to fix for some time. In the next hour, we went through various subjects, and when my wife and I came home and discussed it, we noticed that we had covered a lot of things over a cup of coffee with our new family. The best part is always a child in the middle of action, and that made us also narrate all the journeys from our lives, which I believe we both shared in an unfiltered way while sipping a nice filter coffee. We always bond well with coffee lovers, and that is what I believe we had in those 60 minutes or so. We had a good time, and after we got home, we kept talking about the conversations we had with the family a few hours earlier. That aftertaste made me think. That is when I reflected on a fundamental understanding of ” Why do we enjoy so much after interacting with like-minded people?
I did some research and understood that interacting with like-minded people is deeply enjoyable, primarily because it provides the psychological comfort of validation and belonging. This comfort stems from four reinforcing factors, which I related to :
(1) Validation and Affirmation: When others share similar thoughts and feelings, it validates our own perspectives, beliefs, and experiences, making us feel understood and normal. In our interaction, we exchanged our experiences raising our daughters, with, of course, several incidents.
(2)Shared Understanding (Camaraderie): Common ground enables deeper, more efficient communication. Inside jokes, shared references, and mutual interests foster a strong sense of camaraderie and effortless conversation. I was enjoying my conversation with all of them, and it was nice to catch up with the elders as well. I always have a special place in my life for elders. In the past, I also wrote blog posts about them. In the contexct of my late grandfather’s life secret, I spoke about “Kanji payar which is a traditional and nutritious Keralite comfort food that translates to rice gruel (kanji) served with moong beans (payar), I know I misspelt it instead of Kanji Payar, I said ‘ Panji and Kayar’. When you are overwhelmed with joy and elation, such things do happen. The group made fun of me as I did my best to defend, but lost.
(3)Positive Feedback Loop: Conversations with like-minded individuals often lead to positive feedback, boosting self-esteem and creating an upward spiral of good feelings. That is what happened with us when we came back home, and we were specifically referring to specific parts of the conversation. They say, ” Good conversation is as stimulating as black coffee ( my favourite drink)“.
(4)Sense of Belonging: Humans have an innate need to belong to social groups. Connecting with those who mirror our identity fulfils this fundamental social need, enhancing overall happiness and well-being. That was evident when we discovered our mutual interests, one being, of course, ” Filter coffee”.
The same afternoon, I was listening to the clip below, which was about “Why Is Adult Friendship So Hard?
“Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty discuss why making friends as an adult is difficult, highlighting the “great scattering” as people move apart in their 20s. The clip also touches on the need for intentionality and suggests practical strategies such as proximity, finding common ground, and physical touch (like eye contact) to build new connections.
I noticed a feel-good factor generated by this interaction, which led me to understand a word I had seen before: “Hygge”. I understood that it is about a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being. This is a term from Danish culture. I felt a sense of joy using this word in this context, and I believe this conversation, in some ways or another, gave us a connection to Hygge.
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